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Positive Guidance: A Guide for Parents
We believe young children are innately
valuable, deserving of our kindness and respect. We understand that they are
still developing emotionally and socially. They have limited life experience
and language skills, and they need our guidance. Just as we teach children
academic concepts, such as pre-reading, math, and science, we guide children’s
social and emotional development through mentoring, example, and direct
teaching.
Our Caring
Matters curriculum provides teachers with a wealth of information on
positive guidance and social-emotional development. In this short guide, you’ll
learn more about positive guidance at Bright Horizons. You’ll also learn new
ideas to use at home.
Positive Guidance in the Classroom
We believe that the
foundations for all healthy social-emotional development in the classroom
include:
·
Nurturing, trusting
relationships
·
A safe, peaceful
environment
·
Effective positive
guidance teaching and practices
We encourage teachers
to:
·
Spend quality time every
day talking and listening to each child.
·
Give children the same
respect given to adults.
·
Set realistic
expectations for children. Unrealistic expectations set children up for failure
and often lead to frustration and behavioral issues.
·
Create classroom
environments that promote independence and engagement. Materials should be
organized so children can easily access and use them. The classroom should have
both noisy and quiet areas, and plenty of soft spaces.
·
Observe children to
understand the causes of behavioral challenges, such as fatigue, confusion, or
frustration. Help children solve problems and find solutions.
·
Model positive
communication and social interactions. Teach social skills directly when
needed.
Positive Guidance at Home
Parenting can be
profoundly rewarding, but it can also be challenging. Every child and every
family is different. Parenting styles and attitudes vary, and there is no one
“right” way to parent. However, many parents have found that children respond
well to a combination of:
·
Nurturing, loving
relationships
·
Clear expectations and
structure while allowing for adaptations and change
·
Opportunities to make
choices
·
Natural and logical
consequences
·
Parental modeling of
appropriate behaviors
POSITIVE GUIDANCE TOOLBOX FOR PARENTS
Below is our positive
guidance toolbox for parents. This toolbox offers simple solutions to common
parenting challenges.
Ready for Success
·
Plan
ahead and maintain a predictable schedule. Children feel safer and happier when they know what to
expect. Give your child notice before making transitions. For example, “It’s
almost time to go to school. We’ll clean up the trains in five minutes.”
·
Get
up before your child. Even just a few
minutes to yourself can make a big difference in how the day feels. Prep
backpacks, lunches, and coffee the night before.
Relationship Building
and Self-Care
·
Spend
time together. Children may not
understand the intricacies of adult life, but they are acutely sensitive to
parents’ emotional states. When parents are stressed or anxious, children may
feel fearful. Try to slow life down as much as possible and engage in family time activities,
especially in the evenings. Eat dinner together,
read stories at bedtime, and take time to talk about the day. These little
moments cement your relationship and give children the security they need.
·
Keep
perspective. It’s easy to
become frustrated or worn down by the daily challenges of parenting young
children. Try to remember that most of these challenges probably won’t matter a
year or five years from now.
·
Tell
a joke. Sometimes just
saying something silly or absurd is enough to reduce tensions. Use humor that’s at
the child’s developmental level. Humor should never be mean-spirited or at a
child’s expense.
·
Change
it up. If you’re having a
rough day, go for a walk, put on some music, or get out of the house. Sometimes
a change of scenery is all that’s needed.
·
Take
care of yourself. Go to bed early
and make time for exercise. Connect with friends,
participate in a hobby, or read a book. Parenting is an endurance sport and you
need to care for yourself so you can care for your child.
Positive Guidance
·
Look
for the reasons behind behavior. Remember, behavior is communication. Children’s challenging
behavior is usually caused by: 1) A lack of knowledge or experience; 2) A need
for attention; 3) Physical triggers, such as fatigue or hunger; 4) Emotional
triggers like boredom or fear. If you can find and alleviate the cause, the
behavior typically stops.
·
Tell
your child specifically what to do, rather than what not to do. The words, “Put your crayons in the box
and put the paper in the drawer,” are much more helpful than, “Don’t make a
mess with the art supplies.”
·
Point
out positive behavior. Let
your child know when he gets it right. “You put your shoes in the closet and
hung up your backpack. You’re a hard worker.” Clear, descriptive encouragement rather
than praise helps your child understand your expectations and
builds confidence.
·
Try
the “when/then” strategy. “When
we put away the books, then we can go outside.”
·
Divert
a behavioral issue by offering two choices that are both okay with you. For example, perhaps your child runs away
from you in the store. You could say, “You can walk next to me or I can hold
your hand. Which would you like to do?” If your child refuses to comply, you
gently but firmly make the choice. “Okay, I will help you. I am going to hold
your hand.”
·
Encourage
your child to use words to solve problems. Give verbal prompts. “You don’t like it when Sophie takes
your toys. Can you tell her how you feel?”
·
Use
natural and logical consequences when appropriate to guide learning. For example, a child who spills his milk
cleans it up.
·
Learn
nonverbal techniques. Make sustained eye
contact; use gestures, such as shaking your head; stand close to your child or
gently touch your child on the shoulder or head. If you find yourself unable to
manage a situation even with the use of these ideas or feel angry, frustrated,
or overwhelmed, let your partner or a friend know. Sometimes it takes more than
one person to guide a child’s behaviuor and that’s okay.
Thank You!!
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